Alia is always here

I was super tired and sleepy today. I came to campus at 9.30 AM. I started my day by dealing with bank account and it did not work. And then I came to Larry’s class then he explained about temperature sounding and temperature inversion from Bj or Weightning function, still I am clueless. After that I decided to deal with banking issue, still did not get any answer. After that I came to Joseph’s class and I only made one coarse paragrpah of literature review. After that, I spent my 1 hour to eat, pray and sleep. Then 2 hours having meeting with my ambassador and gso folks. After that, I tried to plot my wrf running and it gave me error (why wrf and pyton gave me the hardest time when I almost had none progress today). Why you can’t be kind to me :( I am crying now because I am tired for nothing like no progress I made and I am tired. I am grateful that interview work well. Is that because I cant have all? I also suddenly overthink about how to successfully graduate from this university...

 So, today I received my grade from Radiation. I got 75 wuhuuuuuuuuuu.. It's the highest mid-term score I ever received here :D So, I am super happy.  You know what makes me happier? I was jealous of Kaitlyn because she got the highest score in class. You know why I can be happy over jealousy? it indicates that my mind indicates that I could be one. That ambitious thought, I like it. I enjoy being jealous because it can motivate me to do better. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that Kaitlyn can do that. I am so proud of her, we were studying and discussing together so yeah, I am happy she got it :D Due to my insecurity, I am never jealous of my friends for getting good scores. So, I would like to say that I am happy to be jealous sometimes. It means my body and my mind believe that I can do BETTER. Ya Allah, please give me the strength to study for the final exam. Thank you so much for every ease that you gave, are giving, and will give to me.  Another piece of good news...

I am not saying that I was doing bad. I can answer the questions, it just feels not right for me. Why proff did bot change the questions, why he stick to the old questions where he shared all the material to students. Paul offered me his assignments from undergrands and I said yes to see. I printed them and completed all the answers. I did not expect that Larry was actually giving us the same questions, three of 10. I was so surpised and worried. I hope this is not part of dishonesty or cheating. I told Garret and Paul to not talk and tell everyone about this. I feel bad, really. I feel bad. Paul and Garret said that I am fine, its okay because I used that for practice not cheat. They said it’s fine. I hope so.  From Blogger iPhone client

 Sometimes I don't understand why I suddenly feel so down about my progress in Climas.  I have to be honest about this.  So, I felt down when I realized I couldn't impress Brian.  I felt down when Brian mentioned his project, which is related to my topic, but doesn't involve me. I don't know, I shouldn't feel this way. Fortunately, he does not assign me additional work since I am also struggling with courses. Maybe, if I have to reflect on myself again, it hurts me because I felt that he sees me as less capable. I hate to be seen as less capable. And it's not his fault, he never thinks that I am less capable. It is just my feeling, it hurts me when I think someone sees me as less capable.  Takeaway message: Brian Neves sees me as less capable. NEVER Do not take it personally, just do it. Do not be arrogant, keep humble. This is just not your time. This is not the time for you to shine or impress someone. Keep making progress, always remember that your goal of st...

 I initiated the discussion about my GPA in the core course with Brian. I just asked for permission to retake the Meteorology Dynamics because I am confident that I can get a higher score. It was all okay until Francina mistakenly copied the email to one of my friends, Priyanka. She knew about my GPA and decided to discuss this with me.  I am at peace with my GPA, but suddenly, she brought it up again. I mean that's my business, Brian's business, or other faculty members' business. Why did she ask if I was okay?  I achieved great things this semester, as I raised my GPA to 3.18 and earned A's in all my elective courses. Of course, I will be okay, but suddenly someone came up with one question: "Are you okay?" OF COURSE I AM.  It feels like she judged me, or she sees me as a less capable student. I do not like this feeling, but that's how I interpret her question. She is a good friend, but I don't like it when she does not consider the boundary between ...

 Now, I am sitting at the UIUC Main Quad. It is now 10.36 PM. I should go home, But it is very rare that I am feeling happy enjoy the situation at quad. The last time I was here, alone, I was crying because I can not follow the lecture. It was really difficult, yeah, the met dynamic.  Now, I am happy, I just finished my Weather system exam. It has 40 questions, I am happy to know that I know what I answered. I am happy that I can understand many concepts. This is really a good feeling. I am happy to know that I did my best. I am not saying that I did not do to the fulest for tea last semester, it just I am happy that I let my professor knows that I am doing good. Thank you ya Allah, you help me to understand and memroize everything.  I am also happy that I can keep contact with P, she has bad time during her study, but she found me, we talked and discussed a lot. She admitted that I am a good friend. Okay, good to know that.  I also wanna thank to Jeff, the class ins...