Alia is always here

 I feel much better this week. I accepted the fact that my process at the start was not easy, so it is normal to  be a fool :D  My Indonesian friend in Tari Saman really helped me to realize that I am a happy girl. I feel myself happier with them. I can be more focused on my studies after some relaxation, which is dancing for two hours :D Brian is also a nice person. I am so grateful that Allah sent me here to meet Brian who can encourage me to explore what I am interested in this field. He never puts me under any pressure about my research, he is like giving me freedom and time to reflect on what I really like. Thank you, God, for giving me this opportunity to work with nice people.  I am also happy about how I can read and understand the paper, wow it is a significant improvement. I can understand CCN and have an overview about what I will present for the final project. About meteorology dynamics, I think I can understand the context faster than before. I can under...

 AGAIN, I CRIED AGAIN THIS WEEK.... and that was not the worst part, I cried in front of Sonia. C'mon, it is Sonia. I tried to hide my feelings, but I couldn't stand the feeling of failing again and again. She tried to comfort me, and it warmed my heart. I really wanna do my best for the next exam, at least I am improving. Sonia is so nice, she gave me input to come to her office hours every week. Yup, so this week, I have to cover some modules and discuss my difficulty with her next week.  The good things about this week are I tried to keep my routine of coming early to campus, and I read Al-Quran after sholat, I am not sure about this, but I think my English is improving :D . Also, I talked to Brian today, and he asked me to join the project group. I am so excited to work with them, it can help me to improve my skills. I really wanna do that risk team, which closely relates to the community. Yeah, I like being involved in the community. However, I just remembered that Americ...

 10/12/2024 Hello, this is Alia. I cried last night when Mba Fitri told me to accept my academic achievement here. I do accept my failure, it is just really difficult to understand the subject. I learned all day. However, I still could not perform well in the exam. Zhuo and Sonia are really good teachers, their slides and notes are clear. I am sad that they have to deal with students like me. Brian, too, sometimes I wondered why he wanted to accept me here.  I started to blame myself for this for why I was so brave to apply in the United States.  You know, I would not apply and come here if I am not confident with my academic ability. However, when I arrived, everything turned out to be more difficult. I could not catch the context, and I am not good at every conversation, I asked my friend to repeat it 2-3 times to make me understand. Sometimes, I want to know if everyone here enjoys chit-chatting with me.   The good thing about this week is I joined the Graduate Am...

  I really wanna go back, it feels like I am not supposed to be here Everything is error, the python is eror,  I failed on exam. I really tried my best to catch up. I study until 3,  I do my homework, I review the material. It just my brain could not understand anything. When I run something in Phyton, it was eror. again and again. My english is still suck. It was not because I  am lazy, no. It was like everything are not working for me here. I can accept the failure if I do not my best to get it, here I spent my time to learn everything. But still, it's not working gaain and again. I questioned my choice again why at that time I choosed to apply in US.  My friends are so kind, Sarah, Kaylie, Maggie, Mbak Fit, all of them are so nice. Brian is so nice, even Garret, Pappu, Maylee and Kathlyn are so nice to me. The problem is just me, Maybe, maybe UIUC is too good for me.  I really hope that Allah will help me through this master life. Which I am sure Allah w...