A Random Saturday Morning

 10/12/2024

Hello, this is Alia. I cried last night when Mba Fitri told me to accept my academic achievement here. I do accept my failure, it is just really difficult to understand the subject. I learned all day. However, I still could not perform well in the exam. Zhuo and Sonia are really good teachers, their slides and notes are clear. I am sad that they have to deal with students like me. Brian, too, sometimes I wondered why he wanted to accept me here. 

I started to blame myself for this for why I was so brave to apply in the United States.  You know, I would not apply and come here if I am not confident with my academic ability. However, when I arrived, everything turned out to be more difficult. I could not catch the context, and I am not good at every conversation, I asked my friend to repeat it 2-3 times to make me understand. Sometimes, I want to know if everyone here enjoys chit-chatting with me.  

The good thing about this week is I joined the Graduate Ambassador. I hope I can find myself here, I do not want to lose myself again, The Last two weeks have been really bad, I felt like it was not me. I drank a lot of caffeine, slept less, and talked bad. I hope I can arrange myself to be me. As a Graduate Ambassador, I would like to be Alia who likes to engage with people. 

Well, in this last paragraph, I do not want to convey my bad feelings again. Let's say this is my resolution for next week. I want to do my job with Brian, I hope it can help me to be more confident. I will go to Zhuo's and Sonia's office hours. I will try to not talk dirty words, and I will try to communicate after Sholat with Allah. I hope I can have a good week. Aamiin


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